dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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