i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
