I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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