so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
