a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
