The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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