was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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