i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
