Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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