It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
