1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
