I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
