I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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