Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just puked most of my soul out..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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