Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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