Dual....:-)
I want her autograph on my taint
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
