Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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