I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
