Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
