Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
