He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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