I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
