I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
