no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
