You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
smell my finger.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
