He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
