so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
