I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
