didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
