i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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