I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
