Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize