He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Randomize
