Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
