if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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