omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
