Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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