Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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