dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
