omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
