Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
