I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
