if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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