Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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