You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
