Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
