About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
