I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
