guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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