Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
PANTIES FOUND
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
