Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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