so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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