On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
