Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
