I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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