Please, let me fuck your mom
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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