I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
