he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
