He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
