I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
