I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we should paint friendship bongs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
