So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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