You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
