I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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