i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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