I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
