This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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