how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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