I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
