she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
