i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
